心向快乐第一季

Feel Good is a low budget 6-episode TV show which mysteriously skipped my attention when it was first brought up by a friend: probably because it features no big star (Lisa is one, but in a small role), and British TV shows like Fleabag and Killing Eve have raised the bar very high now.

However, one night, I started to watch the first episode and was very impressed. The not so sub plot of addiction is so well-written. I really like it when Mae (its main character shares the same name with the writer and lead actor, which is a bit confusing) expands the definition of ‘addiction’: ‘it’s all the same feelings, craving, and withdrawl, and relief, and obsession. We are just swapping one addiction for another’. By doing that, Mae Martin (I will use the full name when referring to the creator) connects the love story and Mae’s struggle to stay clean together. Mae Martin challenges the audience to view addiction as not only a struggle among a group of people, but something many of us face when being in a toxic relationship with partners, or, say, social media. By then, I am convinced Feel Good is quite good because the creators know ‘nuances’. Its focus on addiction also reminds me of Killing Eve S2, the key word for its 2nd season is ‘obsession’. While both handle compulsive/toxic feelings between people/people and object, Killing Eve’s take on obsession is disappointing, Feel Good, on the other hand, only gets better episode by episode.

Story aside, I am mesmerized by how the show introduces the love story to the audience. It is fast-paced. As Guardian remarks, ‘Feel Good moves so quickly and lightly that it seems impossible it could also be managing to construct characters and burrow into psyches as deeply and empathically as it does.’ You never need to fast-forward; it’s densely-packed but you won’t feel stressful; the plots mingle effortlessly. It takes 30 seconds for Mae and George to fall in love with each other. I love how unconventional and unapologetic it is. I love how an LGBTQIA (bless Joyce) story focus on how the two lovers enjoy their relationship (at least for the most part) without giving too much attention to how they are unsure if the other is into them, or suffering from loneliness because they can’t find a partner. Of course the loneliness issue exists and there is suffering, but there are many representations of those already. Feel Good shows how the relationship can be the start, rather than the ending, of a story.

I also like how the struggles of Mae and George are more about themselves making choices than them being in disagreement with a suffocating society. It is refreshing to see not only Mae’s parents, but George’s mother, support their sexuality. Mae’s gig pals don’t make a fuss about her having a girlfriend. The roommate Phil is an angel. The lead of the support group is a gay man; Lava is loved by her mother regardless of her sexuality. While Binky’s husband and his friends are ‘piece of shit’, I don’t see them as homophobic (I could be wrong though). The show demonstrates that everyone can and should be nice to LGBT+ community. I like how Feel Good doesn’t use societal approval as a trope; instead, it allows us to see Mae and George as individuals who make their own decisions. Yes, sexuality is and will be important in their lives, but they don’t let it to devour them, they can still breathe.

The relationship is beautifully written and wonderfully performed. I mean THE CHEMISTRY!! Yes there is sex. As Mae Martin said, she didn’t want the lesbian sex to be voyeuristic. I congratulate her in doing a fantastic job!! Feel Good has amazing sex scenes: they are romantic, witty, hilarious, and honest. The director and writers make sure the sex scenes are not about sex/lust only, they are also about female pleasure. Mae and George communicate and share their sexual preferences; they don’t force their fetish on the other, instead, they ask politely. The show doesn’t mystify lesbian sex: even lesbians can’t cum and that’s ok! Feel Good has achieved what Sex Education has done: it has educated people (older than high schoolers) how to have sex, and more importantly, how to discern when the relationship is going south.

There are nudity scenes and they are (quite literally) serving the plot: it is when Mae feels most vulnerable physically. The paradox of the physicality and the personality is, however, not restricted to gay people. Mae is struggling because she believes however hard she tries, she can never have George in the long haul because George is ‘culturally straight’. George, however, insists this idea is just in Mae’s head. (Or is it?) It becomes apparent that the couple is not on the same page on many things. Mae is shy but she wants public validation of their relationship: she wants to be blessed by George’s family and friends. George is popular (win the lottery) but she is ultra private when it comes to Mae. She points out her friends just want to crack a joke and emotions (mind, not sexuality), for them, is gross. Eventually, George will have to face her own real emotions. There is a moment where Mae questions why George never like/retweet her social media stuffs. As Fleabag says ‘Hair is everything’, the (non)usage of social media, I argue, is (almost) everything. This again shows the discrepancy between the couple – which, of course, is normal; in every relationship/friendship, such disagreements happen and that’s what makes this show so relatable.

It is interesting to note that the dynamic between the two flows all the time. I find myself on the side of Mae and then I am on George’s side! For example, the first episode shows Mae concealing her addiction history from George, which is a bit dishonest; but George also makes Mae think she’s already mentioned her to her friends while actually she’s dating some Crenshaw dude. I find it especially interesting that while George is portrayed as a cold person (she leaves Mae alone in a party; she’s rather cold towards Phil etc etc), Mae can also be quite aloof – check what she does to Lava. When she says let’s not share this with Maggie, it is as if George were saying let’s not tell my friends now.

Talking about George and her friends, I really like how the show does about their friendship. It shows that those friendships, even though ‘long haul’, are not necessarily genuine. Indeed, things can be tricky, if not scary, when friends finally choose to be honest with each other, right?

Binky’s husband and friends are hilarious characters, but the show makes sure not all the male characters are caricatured. I like Phil a lot; he’s giving me the neighbor who ended up marrying Hannah’s boyfriend’s sister in Girls, especially when he’s mentioning all the baby stuffs. Mae’s dad is a charming character; but I am not sure if he’s a good dad. His ‘Oh I need to check the garden’ is a specimen of dad type, who leaves all the dirty job of communicating with kids to mums. The show also inserts in a MeToo story plot where things turn sour quickly. In all, the portrayals of male characters are multifaceted. Well done.

Last but not the least: small roles. Does the show even have small roles? Because everyone shines. Even the shop assistant of that sex shop: the scene is so funny and captivating. Lisa Kudrow is funny but in a cold way – which is really nice. I am not crazy about her first appearance in the laptop; seeing her appear in Blackpool is a real surprise for me (and Mae). I love the scene in Ghost Train the most. Arguing in a horror house/moving train, with all the noise and terrifying man-makes while discussing ‘real emotions’, which is the most terrifying of all – what a genius idea!! The fact that the show keeps vague about why Mae is cast out of the family is an interesting one; I quite like how her mother points out her privilege and that she has everything she wants when she grows up. Again, the show is looking at the mysterious and intricate human mind that is not so easily explainable. Apart from that, I don’t think there are a lot of TV shows that discuss ‘privilege’. Kudos to the writers for highlighting this aspect.

The photography is really pretty. It, like TEOTFW, has a consistent tone, which is even reflected when Mae and George are in bed. Note the beautiful blue shadow. The music is nice. The costume looks comfy and lovely (never let the costume steal the show– I’m talking to you, Killing Eve). My favorite, as I said earlier is the pace of narration. Mae has run a lot and it is a signature of Feel Good, like Fleabag’s looking at the camera.

Feel Good is about a female stand-up comedian. In the States, there is The Marvelous Mrs Maisel. Both Mae and Midge suffer from a backfire from they using real-life stories with their partner (judging from S1 finale, haven’t watched S2 yet). It is interesting to think how personal the stand-up mateials can be, but having just watched Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette, I am reminding myself that in order to make things funny, the ‘truth’ can be compromised. While Nanette is almost metafictional when Hannah approaches/disconstructs what makes comedy, I don’t think that is the angle Feel Good is heading towards. However, it is still fit to think about the show amongst the powerful works by Mae Martin’s fellow female comedians. The freshness of the show also reminds me of Girls (with its minute depictions of modern female life) and Fleabag (with its candidacy about real emotions). Feel Good deserves more recognition and PLEASE CAN WE HAVE SEASON 2 THANK YOU NETFLIX!!

最近的下饭剧从压抑的纪录片换成了《feel good》（不要被《心向快乐》这个傻白甜译名骗了），

大概25分钟一集的时长正好吃个饭能看完。

看第一集尤为畅快欢乐，

女主叫Mae，是个T，在酒吧说单口喜剧（脱口秀）。

女二George坐在台下get到了她的每一个笑点，然后主动在表演结束后去找了Mae。

喝酒的时候两个人还玩起了常见的喝酒游戏：

一方提问另一方回答，撒谎或者回答慢了就要喝酒，喝完提问角色互换。（我跟朋友玩的时候规则是这样的剧集里应该也差不多）

Mae开始提问，

-“你几岁？”

-“when did you lose your virginity?”

-“你最喜欢的电影是什么？”

然后轮到了George，

-“你来英国多久了？”

-“披头士里你最喜欢谁？”

-“Are we on a date?”

——我们在约会吗？

气氛开始诡异起来。

Mae开始结巴，

幸好她朋友走过来说了一番话，临走前说，

“enjoy your date.”

Mae顺着话说，“他说我们算在约会那就应该是吧。”

George说，“我以前从来没有和女孩子约过会。”

Mae问，“那你和女孩子接吻过吗？”

George说，“当然。”

气氛彻底变得暧昧，以尴尬的形式表现出来，

两个人都低头喝了一口酒。

在Mae抬头继续提问“你喜欢电影吗？”的时候

George的一句“你想吻我吗？”打断了掩饰两人心绪的游戏。

然后她们接吻了，Mae大脑中的盲音响起，

背景里酒吧的条状霓虹灯宛如电压不稳忽暗忽明。

看的时候我心里的想法是

这不是典型的crush吗？完全可以投稿到“我今天遇到了一个crush”小组的程度。

然而这只是第一集，

甚至在第一集还没结束的时候问题就展露出了残酷的冰山一角。

接下来陆陆续续涉及到LGBT/addict/原生家庭各种细碎不足为外人道的烦扰：

George作为侄女不想向朋友公开她和Mae的关系，

Mae做为addict（自称已经戒了）却偷偷藏了止痛药，

还有Mae十多年被赶出家门和表面看上去和谐无比的原生家庭倒刺般扎在心里的问题。

大家都爱看crush，热烈甜美如烈火烹油，

初遇时候对方展露出来的闪闪发光之处令人着迷，

而关系变成恋爱之后总有各种各样的烦恼，

更不要说组成家庭、养育子女等后续缠缠绵绵无绝期的鸡毛蒜皮了。

剧集也不会只有第一集前半部分光鲜漂亮的热恋环节，

毕竟是改编Mae的现实经历拍出来的，

重点完全放到了烦恼和解决烦恼上。

正如《亲爱的小孩》被批恐婚恐育，

而最令人恐惧的地方是这就是真实故事改编的，

这就是所有被社会教导毫不知情地轻易踏上婚姻这一条暗藏荆棘之路的女生被一带而过的那部分。

虽然每个人都在经历自己现实的烦扰，

喜欢看crush这种拥有完美甜味的故事也情有可原，

但正因为如此，这些聚焦现实的剧集才值得一看。

毕竟我们说到底还活在现实里，

我想或多或少心思细腻的人都会对此产生一丝共鸣。

不算快，断断续续两天刷完吧。看的时候内心真的有太多太多的想法、声音还有共鸣了…总感觉片子就好像我自己的人生，感受到很多，在自我探索中的问题，与直女恋爱中的问题等等…

其实片子本本身确实也有可圈可点的地方，想很多短评也暴露出了每个人看这个片子的角度和侧重点，包括这当然也受个人经历的影响。

先从我觉得不足的地方着手，确实比起我以往看的很多les电影来说，比起那些，这部更加现实和现在，可能电影只有两个小时，所以不论《Blue is…color》（很多人也提到）或者最近看的《烧女图》，电影总是试图在两个小时把情感表达的最浓烈，剧情的曲折和复杂度也并不会这么高。也是因为这样的对比，所以总让我觉得Mae和G之间的感情不够浓烈。（但也可能是演员的问题也未可知）。

片子选了一条主线或者topic，就是所谓t（gay）与直女之间的爱情。在这很想提一下，其实很多人都并不想定义自己的取向，就像我自己，这也是我很有共鸣的一点，就像J在厕所里问Mae，你是lesbian吗？Mae说“我不想label myself”，这一点我就很有共鸣，我相信取向是流动性的，我看起来像tomboy就不代表我一定是gay，这便是一个探索自己的过程，限制住自己反而会让自己更struggle。

所以另外一个地方，这部片子在对于性取向的探索上也让我很有共鸣。我既有过G对于自己是否是gay而困扰，又很能理解Lava和Mae说，不要把时间花在不是你圈子不了解你的人身上。确实，直女在姬圈中就是一个非常棘手的存在。或者也如我所说，“并没有真正的直女，所谓直女是还没有找到能触动她的那个女孩。”

作为t不代表就不能女孩了。我太能理解Mae对与自己gender “in between”的那种感受了。“我既不是男孩，也算不上女孩，我就是freak”，这是很多queer可能都会有活动心理活动，总觉得自己的gender不能融入这个社会，以及这个社会对性别的定义，于是觉得自己是不被爱和奇怪的。但其实不是，我们，queer，要做到只是我们自己。

我对于这种小t 有点小撒娇太喜欢了。我真的很喜欢这种物理上的错觉，看起很帅气的女孩，但其实也有女孩的一面，内心的敏感，想要come的渴望，想被拥抱和爱，而且可0可1。我很欣赏Mae也是因为，她总是很平和（至少看起来），可能面瘫？哈哈哈哈。

我并不太想把它当成浪漫爱情片看，比起浪漫理想式爱情，这部更多的在反映，每一对les情侣，或多或少都会有过的、出现的问题。尤其是当她俩闹分手那一段，其实就很能看出问题。我太能理解，包括我自己也有过这种心理活动，和一个“直女”或曾有过男朋友的女生在一起，其实内心或多或少会有一种不满足，和差距就在于，自己不是男生，给不了一段“正常”婚姻或未来，该有的样子。我们也希望和自己爱的女人，可以相爱，making love，jizzing，and have a baby，但是我们不可以，因为我们不是男人。

但退一步，如果我们要这么想，那便又是把自己局限住了…

在她俩分手以前那一次sex，也是里面对我最有感觉的一段…当G感觉快要come的时候对Mae说“come inside me…”，其实这几句真的很伤人，也很戳，正中下怀的感觉。Mae的回复也真的太精准了：“ I would love to，but I physically can't！” 这正是我们所缺失，但也是最大的不同。 It reminds me of me and my ex, I am obsessed with making love with her, but the only thing missing is that I really hope I can go inside her, and either she, when we were high. That is supposed to be a “normal” sex....

我也很赞同这是一部关于诚实的影片，不论在爱情、工作、生活中，其实我们都要保持诚实，才能让双方顺利的沟通。

每次Mae和G有争吵的时候，两边说的话其实都很有道理。（争吵的台词写的很tricky）各有各的理，只是有没有站在对方的角度考虑。比如在party上，G想和朋友们出柜，就希望Mae不要老盯着她，自己去跳舞，但Mae觉得，你如果要出柜那就大大方方牵着我的手帮我化解尴尬啊。其实两方都没有错，但两边必须相互理解。包括G和Binky后来的谈话，G埋冤B他们在她分手后不来问候，B觉得如果你是真的伤心那就主动来和我们说啊，你不和我们说就好像不是真爱一样。其实两边也都在理，看谁能先理解谁。聪明人就不要去纠结了。

至于说t粘人的，可能是每个人经历不同，我觉得这种依赖挺顺理成章的，作为一个父母那么刻薄的t，包括小时候有过那么多创伤，能到现在这样温柔可爱善解人意，真的是奇迹了，当然不可避免，她真的需要一个人依靠和拥抱。

感受就写到这，HE我很满意，当然如果拍第二季，未来可能还会有更多的问题冒出来。也期待第二季，更期待自己能有个女朋友，好想谈恋爱啊啊💕💕

btw，还想再提一下，Mae在里面真的是赚大了🙃各种人都亲了一遍，见谁就问“do u wanna have sex...”哈哈哈哈哈。而且每次还一脸面瘫的“that will be so cool.”太可了哈哈哈哈。

还有对于那个老师说，“如果你不教孩子们LGBTQIA这方面的话题那是你的问题，这是sexual health课程…你们班还有两个学生是trans呢！”真的很暖心，为学校有这样的开明的眼光感到开心。

End…

2020.4.6

In USA

First of all, it brings some feelings back to me when I am feeling nothing. I appreciate that. Always think a relationship is like “I got issues and you got’em too.” And we live with them together as a partners. Mae and George have their issues. They tried to cover or deal with them in the series. Maybe there’ll be no ultimate solution. It’s just a process in daily life.

As for Mae, who is always go with the feelings and chase the feelings, which is to find the approach to FEEL GOOD. George is more tend to be traditional and hard to open up utterly. They are vivid characters and I can relate from some plots.

It’s a huge world. There are various people and perspectives. Sometimes I just watch it and think: it’s ok to say that??? Just embrace the diversity and try to be more open minded.

Talk to people who care about you or just try to be these people.

It’s ok to be passionate or just want to save everything for oneself. Accept everyone’s tendency.

George said: “I just can be an island. That’s how I operate.” 🖐🏾 It could happen. I’m more relaxed now. Thank you guys:)

看完了，我一直疑问这竟然标签是喜剧诶，明明很多时候我看的都心碎的说

上图

当Mae复吸后

剧中梅在经历了女友的分手，一度失落丢失自己，甚至想要再次借助毒品摆脱失意，我深有感触，当生活糟糕的时候就会想忘记一切地放纵，但我们都知道，放纵过后只有无尽的后悔以及未解决的问题罢了，或许我可能应该想想一切的根源，与自己和解才是问题的答案

George诉说当年的伤心事

看到这里真的感同身受，自己所在意的所难受的常常是不为他人所感同身受的，我们失落在朋友无意的嘲笑中，把悲伤放在心里耿耿于怀，除了自己谁也不知道除了自己谁也伤不到，我认为剧中的朋友根本算不上朋友，不过是会耍耍嘴皮逗逗乐的一群派对伙伴，但真正的朋友，即使不懂你的痛也不会随意的戳你的伤疤，而是小心翼翼地保护着你。希望你可以在爱你的人面前褪去伪装。

年少时总是想出去看看，家好像是个束缚自己的地方，但后来遇到了大风大雨第一个想到的还是回家。

梅总是以为母亲不那么爱她，她好像永远在批评她，但其实她只是不把爱放在嘴上，伤心时一句话妈妈就会为你准备好一切等你回家。

多多少少有人迷失在自卑的世界里，我们感觉不到爱，接受不了爱，无法付出爱，什么都不说了跟着台词念一念吧，你是个可爱的人。

最后放几个图

第一次写长评，留个赞呗ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉﾞ❀~

我并非不喜欢这剧型。Mae是个t打扮的脱口秀演员，不可避免的讨好型人格，内心敏感柔和。8分43秒，她已经遇到了她喜爱的女孩，成功的约会，谈恋爱，两个人一起同居。但是我却生了不忍。我瞄过简介，t打扮不等于t，我知道她会遇见什么。她有毒瘾，她有不安。她的黏人，她的紧绷。她的阴暗。你看8分钟一切美好，她不能入睡，需要开灯，热爱身体触摸。肌肤饥渴症。她试图隐藏阴暗。她注定无法隐藏。更惨的是，她不明白，人怎么努力也是无法满足任何别人的想法。所有的回避都会让缘分渐行渐远。她具有感知别人想法的天赋。但是大多数别人的想法都是毒药。我知道这一切因为。除开瘾症的类型不同，主角的一切我都经历过。所以我停在了8分43秒。需要勇气继续。看她注定搞砸遇见的一切。

类似的丧喜剧，《Fleabag》我就看得毫无波澜觉得角色善于搞砸才有笑点。《Feel good》却让我为角色担心。砸了以后呢，她怎么办？

Broken ？or just be me

“为何我们从未看到碎杯子集合起来，离开地面并跳回桌子，通常解释这违背了热力学第二定律所表示的，在任何闭合系统中无序度或者伤总是随着时间增加，换言之就是墨菲定律的一种形式，事情总是趋向于越变越糟，一个完整的杯子是一个高度有序的状态，地板上碎裂的杯子是一个无序的状态，人们很容易就从早先的桌子上的杯子变成后来地板上的碎杯子而不是相反。”来自霍金。物理学家都知道那么两只猫。一只喜欢进盒子，一只喜欢推杯子。

而成年人的生活，充满了莫宁两可支离破碎。瓷砖修补膏粘好粘不好继续过。

我不知道互助会有什么用。因为其实我不知道倾诉有什么用。你告诉别人。你的烦恼。你却不能得到解决。只是展示了你的软弱。所以其实我明白为什么她要逃离一个互助会。我明白有些人为什么要冲进咖啡柜台，自己做咖啡，而不是埋头吞下垃圾。这个世界并不是你展现你的痛苦，痛苦就会消失。而是你展示你的痛苦，所有人知道你有一个洞。黑洞。可以吞噬一切快乐和幸运，好事。掩盖你的一切。被别人的人看到你的时候。就会看到那个洞，忍不住往里扔垃圾。So.What's the point to show other ones you have a black hole？我明白她为什么试图回避躲藏。却注定无所遁形。

TBC

Yes, I titled my review by using Jeanette Winterson’s biography for reference. It is true if you look it up in Douban, a Chinese version IMDB/Facebook, Feel Good will in the recommendation list as the searching result. In this website, people retitle this show as ‘Drunk in London’. It is accurate to use Drunk to describe the main character Mae Martin’s life predicament. She wants to get on the right path but couldn't help making a mess, she tries to be normal but cannot get rid of the psychological hint that ‘You need to accept you have a problem’, she wants to build up a stable intimate relationship but loses control due to emotional insecurity. But I still prefer the original title ‘Feel good’. It is hard to be normal in this high-demand world, feeling good is enough.

The encounter

After watching the series in one sitting, I can safely say Mae Martin is the second gay girl character I feel myself fall in love with after Anne Lister in Gentleman Jack. (Sorry, Suranne!) She is a special friend being with me in this strange self-isolation period. Can I call it love in the time of cholera? I couldn’t help replaying the scene Mae and George encountering and kissing in the pub. How romantic it is when you find someone in the crowd only laughing at your stuff, getting your point while you’re being ignored by others. England’s rose and the Canadian corn are like a blazing fire and dry wood. It is not all about how a tomboy chase a straight girl and how a straight girl seduce an unconfident lesbian. This is a vibrant start that I bet each girl is longing for. You might have a relatable journey that you are falling for a person who is not of the same clan but you think the fate drops from the clouds and the refreshing relationship will be working between you two. After oversharing with a stranger, you believe you have a bond and that’s hard to find in life.

Things usually happen like that, but most beautiful encounters will not end in well. Five minutes past, Mae and George are standing inside and outside the curtain, which implies George is stepping into her life and will be a part of her story. In fact, it does. This is the most subtle camera structure in EP1. It reminds me of how I met my exes, how we consume each other and how I lost them in the end. I suddenly realise I see my own reflection in Mae’s pupils when she says ‘I am not intense’.

Between normal and abnormal

It is rather to say Feel Good is a dark story than rom-com. At least, let’s say it is a heart-breaking life story dress like a love story. Mae Martin's tribulations she experienced in her career, family, and relationships are the main topics of the show. Before that, I’ve had enough of messy ‘permutation and combination’ style relationships in The L Word. Hetero audience hunt for novelty in LGBT TV drama but ignore character’s daily concerns as ordinary persons. They also have issues of how to repair the parent-child relationship, how to express who they really are in front of their friend who is always in the dominant position. Feel good has a unique texture with life-like characters. Each character in this show is so real. Their witty dialogues tickle my fancy all the time.

I can feel the director and the writer manage to keep up a high level of real emotions throughout the show and they capture characters’ dazzling personalities with a brisk pace. In this story, Mae and George are both like premature babies in the incubates, waiting for growth to be big, confident flowers. The director did not portray them as aliens but show strong empathy to care their own inner development. We witness their journeys in pain and sober.

My inner journey of watching "Feel Good" is like a roller-coaster.

E1: Oh!!! Mae and George are just adorable!

E2: Well...I changed my mind. I'd better stand for Mae and Lava?

E3: It is a bloody embodiment of "Please never date a straight girl unless you want to date for floods of tears."

Mae is an authentic, awkward, blunt, needy, sensitive girl with forlorn hope on George’s love. In her whole life, she has felt she is not in the right place. There is ‘other place’ she supposes to be. She thinks people are just swapping one addiction for another, while George is her another addiction. My favourite scene is in the EP3. Mae feels humiliated and a bit angry when being told to enjoy the party. Her confession broke my heart for real.

‘You grew up rich and white and straight and hot, you won the lottery. Of course, you want to dance. You're surrounded by people that want to fuck you. Of course, I don't want to dance in front of people that would have bullied me in high school. And you are too ashamed to touch me. If you want me to feel confident then hold my hand.’

It is not a gay thing. Any underrepresented people could relate to it. There used to be a moment you thought someone in the crowd could see you, but now you found this person knew nothing about your feelings. You notice the intangible huge gap between you. That really hurts.

As the representative of straight girl, Binky holds the opinion that ‘birds of a feather flock together’ by bring Mae and her lesbian cousin together. It is like saying ‘Hey gay girl should stay in your small bubble. That is the norm.’ You all know the hilarious result. Two girls hi each other and ‘see you’ soon. I laughed at this stuff not because there is less possibility for two Tomboys to fall in love with each other (on the contrary, they may slag off each other), but shocked by people’ ignorance that they think a lesbian will definitely like another lesbian since your are of the same kind. Come on. We are all human beings having clear love and hate. The gentle satire to some self-righteous people is one of the highlighted moments in this show. Sorry, your norm is ridiculous.

People distorts the definitions of ‘normal’ and fasten it to the minority. I became to realise the reason why the writer did not let Mae choose Lava, another lesbian girl who’s crush on her, even though a lot of my friends stand for them. ‘If you were my girlfriend, I’d make you come in under a minute.’ is the coolest line in this show. Lava is cold but affectionate in her own way. The writer probably wants to break the stereotype that it is easier to love your own kind. I think Mae must bottle a hidden line up: Hey, I cannot love you just because you are lesbian too.

Reframe your self

After watching it a second time, I changed my impression of George. I shouldn’t have been so mean to her when I watched the first time last week. This time, I see her struggling in her new identity. She hurries so much to put lesbian label on herself by saying ‘I have a girlfriend’ to the wedding photographer and ‘I belong to here. I finger my girlfriend a lot’ to the bartender, in order to cover up her inner uncertainty. ‘Your sobriety. Your gender identity. Is there anything isn’t my responsibility?’ She is facing the greatest pressure in her life. Being with Mae is like pulling up seedlings in her mind to help herself grow, in friendship, and in the workplace. But actually, the key point is not about learning how to be a lesbian. Instead, she needs to learn how to express a real herself, uncover her real feelings to the people surrounded, just like Binky says ‘If you are bothered, just tell us.’

There is another storyline of Mae’s narcotics anonymous meeting. This kind of support group is quite common to see in British/American dramas, like Killing Eve and Flack. As a student with a coaching background, I feel negatively surprised to see team members sitting in a circle and saying ‘I am an addict’ followed by self-introduction. Is it really work to settle a matter by giving themselves psychological suggestion that they still have problems? Or they just gather to find I am not the worst one. In EP 4, Lisa Kudrow hits the nail on the head. Everyone feel better or you feel better when people address the elephant in the room? Every time when Mae suffers a setback in relationship with George, she turns to Maggie and Lava. However, the temporary sense of belonging is self-deception.

Like her mother, Mae is a strong, impulsive, stubborn women. But she also has the vulnerable side.

‘But you told me you loved me first. That was the best moment of my life. I’m embarrassed. I let myself think that someone like you could be with someone like me. I’m not a boy. I’m not even a girl. I’m like a failed version of both. Why am I such a freak?’

She has so many feelings. What she wants is being accepted as what she is, being stick with a new healthy addiction. That is George.

In the last episode in season 1, Mae decides to return to George. The plot seems to quite rush. I wouldn’t say they are the perfect couple and I still doubt the relationship will last. But I would like to regard them as a pair of ‘learning buddy’ in this journey. George is the still and quiet habitat and Mae is the Pac-Man. Story is over. Life needs to go on. They both have too much to learn, not only for love but for lives.

Alien they seem to be. No mortal eye could see. The intimate welding of their history. by Thomas Hardy

Other things I want to address

Besides main characters, each supporting role is so lovely: Phil, Binky, Mae’s father, the bartender, and the bellboy in horror hotel. I love the script! I am especially impressed by Mae’s father. He has the wisdom of affairs handling and can read people’s mind accurately.

"You are still and strong, you wear your heart on your sleeves, you are fiercely passionate."

‘Your young lady must be needing you now. She’s off on her own, adrift in uncharted seas.’

He is absolutely one of the best father roles I’ve ever seen.

Now I can say I am ready to graduate from Feel Good after finishing this review. Thank you, Lisa, you remind me of the scotch egg I’ve had in Yorkshire. I am glad you enjoy it too. I will probably visit Blackpool to see the beautiful sunset one day. See you guys in season 2!

by Lssiedusky

2020.3.31

看完了。我觉得很好看。囊括了我们女同性恋群体会遇到的许许多多的问题，当然我觉得同样，这其中的一些感情问题是谈了恋爱的人都会遇到的。唉，觉得篇幅还不够长，但是其中真的蕴含了太多。

想到什么就写什么吧。

乔治父亲的离开和她后来和梅的父亲坐那个小车车的样子——她真的很怀念父爱吧。虽然她和梅的父母见面的时间很短暂，但是我觉得能看出她对那种久违了的父爱的憧憬。

然后就是当你陷入了这个群体之后，你才意识到之前认为只是寻常的事其实是多么的充满偏见。乔治所教的课程和班级上发生的事情，在她和梅交往之前肯定是存在的，但那时候，大概就像现在很多人的“事不关己高高挂起”一样吧，她不觉得是什么大不了的事——毕竟不发生在自己身上。而当她自己差不多也算成为其中一份子的时候，她才能被这些伤害到或者意识到有些曾经自以为正常是多么伤人。

哈哈哈哈哈直女被掰弯后的心路历程

梅的困惑，我觉得以前也曾是我的困惑，对方到底想让我成为什么样子？什么样子是我真正想成为的我自己？一开始看预告的时候，是的梅的外形就非常T呗，也有那么一丝丝忧虑是不是会包含着刻板印象。我觉得本剧某方面比较神就是它虽然篇幅不长，但是仅仅通过几个画面就让我感受到了想传达的东西——比如梅会想尝试穿一件小吊带裙，但是同时又羞于让乔治知道这件事。在她心里还是害怕乔治只是把她当男性伴侣来看待——这在女同性恋+直女的组合中很常见，其实就算是两个拉拉在一起我觉得也会有……

看到这句的我：呵，直女

这算是刻板印象的余孽吗？当然也有人喜欢这种相处模式，这也是我最近很纠结的一点，好像这种模式你无法确切地评价好与坏，但是希望大家在谈恋爱的时候都能找到和自己模式相同的人。

不过乔治最后在思考了，在了解了，在改变自己了，我觉得就很厉害。她明白了谁才是自己真正的朋友，也知道自己究竟想要什么，以及去尝试接纳新的自己。（这可能是大家追直女过程中的理想画面了吧XD）

家庭问题我觉得也算本剧表达的一个副中心？无论是梅那强势的母亲还是乔治选择离开的父亲以及对爱情失望的母亲（但我们也可以看出，你越表现出嫌弃反而越证明你在乎）。家庭问题有时候反而是一个很容易被忽视的问题，家长们有时候会说“每个家庭都这样！”来逃避应该承担改变的责任。都这样的家庭就正常吗？

看到此处有笑到

不知道会不会有第二季，因为觉得还是有些地方没有说清楚，也有些地方表达得蜻蜓点水一般。但此时打下这些文字的我又觉得，不用说清楚我们也可以顺着畅想下去。

乔治正视了自己的内心，她选择了更值得当朋友的人，她也会对梅给予支持；

梅虽然复吸了orz（而且那个Day1的小牌牌还是掖着藏着），但是剧的最末尾，我觉得她下一句就要向乔治坦诚自己复吸了，这是一个好的开始，我想也是她收获安全感的开始。

最后想到的是那个（完了我忘了名字了就是互助会最后和梅一起吸Du的那位）。

他竟然是打电话叫来了自己的保证人，我还挺震惊的，因为他俩一起吸的时候我内心真的“oh fuck”。保证人那番话真的蛮感人的……是一个，特别合格，值得当做依靠的保证人了。

哎，仍在回味中。

附上梅对成瘾的一个新的解读，我觉得，哇，内心的有些问题豁然开朗。

我们都在对什么东西成瘾呢？